Still Hurting From a Breakup? 4 Things to Help you Heal

Breakups can leave you feeling stuck, dysregulated, and unable to move forward, even when you know the relationship is over. If you are struggling with how to heal after a breakup, you are not alone. In this post, I am sharing four things that can help you begin breakup healing in a healthier, more grounded way.

If you would rather hear me talk through this and share more of my personal experience, you can watch the video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dWxv7eXvNQ

If you prefer to read, I break everything down for you below.

I went through a painful breakup last year. I was following the typical post-breakup protocol: no contact, gym, journaling, therapy, and time with friends… but I was still ugly crying most days, and relief seemed nowhere in sight. I knew I had to try something different because “nothing changes if nothing changes,” right? I began to pay attention to what was triggering me. I paid attention to how my body felt. And because I am a highly self-aware person who values personal growth, I dug deeper into the why. These four tips helped me move forward and actually support my emotional healing after a breakup.

1. Deactivate your social media.

I recommend this to everyone, quite honestly, but especially if you are struggling with breakup recovery. I found myself looking things up about my ex, despite the fact that I had removed him from all of my social media. We tend to create stories in our heads when we do not have all of the information, and this can keep you stuck in the grief after a breakup. Sprinkle in all of the chaos that is happening in the world and the doom scrolling was majorly impacting my mental health. I have deactivated social media many times over the years and have never regretted it. Unless social media is major source of income for you, I highly recommend doing this until you feel like you can get back on without being tempted to revert into any unhealthy patterns.

2. Stop using alcohol or numbing behaviors to bypass grief.

Many people avoid feeling pain by turning to activities that momentarily give a dopamine hit. These can be things like alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, etc. I am sure you have heard the saying, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” These things may feel good in the moment, but the rebound effects can set you back even further. For me, I was drinking alcohol. Again, another behavior that I do not recommend when someone is going through any difficult time, let alone a breakup. Unfortunately, our culture has glamorized alcohol and led us to believe that if you had a bad day, you need a drink to feel better. I challenge you to change that narrative. If you are going through a difficult time, do something to support your emotional healing, not numb it.

3. Use guided meditations to regulate your nervous system.

When a person is grieving a loss like a breakup, the nervous system interprets it as a major threat to survival, defaulting to a protective fight-or-flight state. This is why nervous system regulation is such an important part of breakup healing. This stress response causes a surge of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, leading to symptoms often referred to as “grief brain.” For me, this showed up as a racing heart, forgetfulness, loss of appetite, and shallow breathing. I am a busy mom with multiple jobs and responsibilities, and I needed to regulate. I already do a morning guided meditation every day on Insight Timer, but I knew I needed more. I started doing several throughout the day. Whenever my heart or mind started racing, I would find a quiet place, put my earbuds in, and listen to a 10 to 15 minute meditation to support my nervous system regulation.

4. Learn your attachment style.

I was somewhat familiar with attachment theory, but my breakup pushed me to fully dive in. Understanding your attachment style is one of the most powerful tools for breakup recovery and future relationship success. For me, it felt similar to going to a doctor for a health issue. Once you understand what is going on and are given steps to feel better, things start to make sense. I knew I had unhealthy patterns in relationships, but I did not fully understand what they were or how to address them. Learning about attachment styles also helped me recognize the unhealed behaviors my ex displayed, which allowed me to stop personalizing his actions or tying them to my worth. As I continue to heal my attachment, I know I will show up as a healthier, more secure partner in my next relationship. My old, unhealed belief was that I would never date again. My new, healed version is excited for a loving, healthy, secure relationship someday!

I hope these tips give you some relief as you move through this heartache. Healing is possible, and breakup healing does not have to feel this overwhelming forever. I am sending you so much love and healing, and I want you to know that you are worthy of love.

If you want to know what your attachment style is, check out my free quiz.

If you are ready to heal your attachment patterns and move forward, schedule a free consultation.